Sleepless at 4 am

From my archive of lines that I write when I am really upset…

Sleepless at 4 am

25th Nov 2005, I am sitting in my bed and wondering “what am I doing?”
I look at time in my mobile. It reads… 4:00am!!!
I wonder what was I doing till all this time. I haven’t slept!!!
Then I remember I was thinking about life. What exactly? I don’t know… I just sat wondering what is going on in my life currently. Am I happy with the way I have treated myself? Where am I heading towards in the future? Do I have a goal? Do I have friends who care for me? What will my friends remember me as? What will my family remember me as?
God and what not… The point is why was I getting all these thoughts on that day and was sleepless. I have suffered from insomnia in my earlier years of life. But this was different. The answers I gave myself sent a chill down my spine!!! The questions have been troubling me since then every day in and day out. The answers are more frightening.
I have been seeing 4:00am on my clock almost every day.
I don’t know where this Insomnia is going to lead me!!!!

God help me!!!

God did help me I guess… Today it is 14th Mar 2006…. Its 104 days since I wrote this. I think back and wonder why I wrote this. I was upset because I was thinking about the things around me that were not under my control. Today as I write this, I still feel sleepless at 4 am, but there is a difference…. I am not frightened by the answers that I am getting to the questions I have now. I hope I am going on the right track….

Go on… And the Faith will return!!!!.....